I want to believe people. I want to trust and I want to believe that people are innately kind. I give people a lot of the benefit of the doubt and a lot of chances because of this. But I am learning things, hard things, and one of those things is that people do not always deserve second chances and that actions speak louder than words.
One guy I was talking to before the hiatus kept telling me he was excited to meet me and that he wanted to have a relationship with me but he had zero follow through and blew through three weekends where he could have made the effort to get together. After finally messaging him to meet up-he ignored my message and the weekend passed. Ending in my deleting him as a friend on facebook and as a contact on my phone. I don't need it. Move along. If you aren't in, really in, then get the hell out.
In the past I would have put up with this ridiculous behavior-now I don't and I won't. Its a conscious choice to stop playing the victim and stop letting other people make me feel helpless and hopeless.
Are things getting better? Not really....yet. Will they in the future? I certainly hope so. My big boxes to tick off are: 1.Getting the Divorce Papers Finalized 2. Getting my Ex to pay his debt 3. Fixing my company. There are other things, but those are the big ones, and they are all out of my hands. As soon as number 1 is handled, I think I will start sleeping better-and that will fix a lot of things for me.