Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Empty chairs

So one of my best friends left this morning. We were suppose to take a trip to the province I went to school in, but with the ex stealing money and wasting it on things- that didn't happen. As soon as M found out, she decided to come see me.....which turned out perfectly. She provided some much needed support while I attempt to sort out and finalize my life alone.
I now see how a working partnership could be- with M here, I had someone else to spell me off when I got tired and to talk and laugh with when the kids were distracted or in bed. I realized I hadn't had that in a very long time.
I also got to go out, at night, twice, with Grownups!!! Prompting me to find myself a wicked sitter....other reason why I need to find a great sitter- I can't trust my ex. At this point, he will be visiting with them one day a weekend and one evening. But I have now seen how he handles them- he doesn't. If he holds E, he is on his phone. He puts E down at the earliest possible point, leaves the room or doesn't respond to her cries. He has absolutely minimal connection with X, so much so that X has started to ignore him and not care when he is not around. And I have been careful and tried to encourage them to spend time together. It hasn't happened, because his father doesn't want it to and soon, X won't want to even if he does.
She was only here for a few days, but the kids flourished and came to love her so quickly- due in part to the fact that she noticed them. She engaged with them and set boundaries with them and played. They desperately are searching for more of that. I give them me. As much of me as I can muster, sometimes more than I can possibly give.....but having another person give themselves too makes me better and makes the kids better. And my kids and I deserve that full time. However, its good to know that while I am waiting for that person, my friends and family will fill the gap along the way.

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