Last night was the first night that I have had nobody to chat with before I went to sleep. No guy to exchange flirty responses with and nobody to wish sweet dreams to. I knew it was going to happen. I have avoided the trashy dating site and the other two just aren't filled with many options. I was worried it would be horrible and empty and lonely. And, admittedly, it was a little lonely. But there was a quiet satisfaction in the silence that occurred with only the voice in my head and only myself to focus on.
There is solace in the silence, a deep restful peace that resonates as I slowly sink into it and start to believe that, yes, I am enough. Myself. Alone. Me. I am enough and I am okay.
I am a natural people person but i am learning to be satisfied with being on my own.
I have wasted a lot of time on men who do not deserve it. They are not doers, they do not make an effort and they do not give of themselves. And i put up with it. I engaged, and I made the effort and I tried. But it's been three weeks now and I am not willing to put up with the crumbs of attention they tossed. I would finally rather have nothing.
My heart is precious and its solid and I will give everything to someone who is willing to do the same. But until that day. Until that person can say "You are the one I choose over everyone else", then the rest is silence.