Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Alone and tired

I told Irish goodbye tonight...or farewell. I just couldn't do it. I know me. I am going to develop feelings, big ones, and he is not free. Also, if he cheats on his partner, he isn't the man I believed him to be and I want to believe he is. So I told him that we shouldn't talk until she knows what's going on. Until he speaks his heart and until he figures things out.
This means I may lose him, but if that's the case then he wasn't supposed to be mine in the first place. He may find renewed love with her, or chest with somebody else. But I can't be the one. It's harder than I expected. I feel really sad that this is how it has to be- but it does. I can't shake the guilt and extreme sadness for his partner and kids. I have been where they are. Being lied to hurts so bad. The truth is a release.
Golden eyes is gone too. I would be sad, but no spark.
So I am lonely and quiet and for tonight, a little sad. But proud of myself too.

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