Friday, 2 October 2015

The breath before the fall

It's October. I have been a single woman for five months. I have been doing for myself, living my life and I am the happiest I have been in my whole life. This journey of self discovery, of getting to know me and allowing who I am to be happy has been so big. There is uneasiness as I learn to take risks and learn to believe the universe will catch me. But the universe is catching me. It's not always how I planned or exactly what I wanted, but it's close.

My theatre classes aren't full, but they are fun! I feel happy every time I step into the room with those kids. Subbing has started, and I have really pushed myself to contact all I know so that they will use me!

My kids are happy! They dance, they learn, they play, they are amazing! They are filled with love and laughter and I am learning to embrace the chaos that sometimes comes with trying to follow a schedule but also appreciating the moments. We are a unit, strong and united and real.

I am letting someone in. Someone who hasn't followed the pattern of everyone that has come before. Someone who I like as a person, who is kind and hard working and funny and real. Someone who might not be here for forever, but is the type of person who I hope to stay forever with. Someone who has earned enough trust from me that I am feeling safe enough to not need constant reassurance or second guess everything they tell me. I needed to learn that these people, good people, are out there in the world and sometimes what they say is exactly what hey mean. I needed to trust and if that's all I gain from this, then it will be a lot.

I like who I am, how I look and what I have to offer. I believe in myself and what is going on with me and I will continue to work on it and respect the process. I won't hide anymore.

So I enter the fall, my favourite season, powerful, alive and thankful. Thankful to everyone who made this journey possible and who is coming with me- it's going to be an awesome ride!

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