Sunday, 4 October 2015

Untamed

I spent some time today with one of my mentors. She is everything I believe a woman should be and her path on this earth was to guide and help others find their way. She is a beacon and she helped guide me to my true happiness.
I am on the edge, and I have been avoiding speaking my heart and mind outloud because I am scared it will jinx it. As if saying what I truly want would make the universe snatch it away. But I am not so scared anymore. So I will say it-I believe in fate. I believe in it firmly. I believe that the universe responds in kind when you find your real path, when you are heading down the right road and it continues to bask you in the light of that rightness.
My mentor and I talk a lot about white light, about positive energy and I am throwing as much of it as I can out into the universe right now. I am starting to trust. That trust is building confidence....in my career choice, but also in my burgeoning relationship.
When I started this dialogue with Builder Boy, I was hella insecure. I had no centre and was terrified that I would screw up. I kept pushing him away or giving him outs, or being needy. Now I do what I want and I have stopped worrying it will bother or scare him. It's solid, as solid as a penpal can be, and my need to be in constant communication has eased because, while I love talking to him, a lot of that was the need for reassurance and ego petting. Sure, I get insecure sometimes still, but at my core I feel warmth and truth and kinship. And right now, it's meant. What it's meant for or what will be is not clear, but it was supposed to be.  So I will let my wildness out, my revolutionary and risky beliefs flap free- if anonymously- I believe in fate and that the puzzle pieces are falling into place for me.

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