So.....it's been awhile.....
My amazing children prepare for the best time of year to be and have children....I have been feeling very unchristmasy until today. Partly it's the weather. It's mild and grey and doesn't feel Decembery, let alone Christmasy. Partly it's the realization that really, nothing is very different from last year and shouldn't it be? I still did all the holiday shopping, still handled the decorating and the advent.....
My parents offered to join me here on Christmas Eve after the kids were in bed.....but I hadn't even thought of it because most Christmas Eve's I spent alone doing stockings anyway.
Since last time I wrote I have taken on a man friend. He is exactly what I need right now, but it can only be for right now. He has problems with alcohol and, while the chemistry is amazing, I just don't feel that deep romantic stirring I am looking for.
He knows. He is doesn't agree, but he knows.
Turns out, despite me being careful, my parents know that he is more than a casual friend and they are weirdly fine with it. Both of them went through a divorce, so I suppose it shouldn't be a shock, but it was. It feels great that they trust and support me enough to not be judgemental about it. Strange days.
So that proclamation of support and generous snuggle time from both my kids has rekindled my feelings of Christmas and now I can start to get excited about what is coming. My life is very different and it feels good to be happy.